One girl and one boy is just not enough.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
it glows. i had to have it.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
