I should be sponsored by Trojan
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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