I wish I could teleport
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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