I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
