I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
