I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
