ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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