It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
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Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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