is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
