He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
