we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
this boner is exhausting
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
