Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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