You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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