I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
