guys are only as good as the porn they watch
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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