Tell her she can't have a vagina
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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