Writing my paper on freud at bar
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
not ubering you a puppy