this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
