i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems