there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....