I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
sarcasm needs its own font
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
