The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.