i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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