You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Randomize
