you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
