What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
