make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
