Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
