Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
