On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She needs sedatives and a leash
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Randomize
