I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize