i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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