I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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