he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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