My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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