so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
