You're completely useless in the revolution.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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