Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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