you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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