I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Holy shit dude........stairs
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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