Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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