i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
