so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Every concussion has its silver lining
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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