i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
