whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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