My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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