Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
