that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
