The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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