I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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