I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
