Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
