You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
