Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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