Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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