i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
