umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
