Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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