She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
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I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
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Your topless pictures make me question reality
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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