The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
