You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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