i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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