i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.