i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
