I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
