I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
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oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
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FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear