sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
whose ass print is on the piano?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
