Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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