glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
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I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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