I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
