The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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