Ambien. No doubt about it.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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