i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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