His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
