i just had sex bonerless
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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