mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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