Pants 0. Shit 1.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
