I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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