help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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