happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
