You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
