Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
