i just had sex bonerless
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize