Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
